What Does it Feel Like To Kill?

15-year-old Alyssa Bustamante wondered: What does it feel like to kill someone? So she decided to find out.

This is not the story of a crime of passion; this was no accident; this was a premeditated, ruthless and well-thought plan - she even had a grave dug for her 9-year-old victim beforehand - to deprive another human being of the right to life. 15-year-old Alyssa Bustamante is a cold-blooded murderer.

Alyssa Bustamante was in court, on Nov. 18th, indicted on two felony charges of first-degree murder and armed criminal action in the Oct. 21st death of 9-year-old Elizabeth Olten. Just hours before, a juvenile court judge had certified her to stand trial as an adult. Cole County Circuit Judge Patricia Joyce entered a plea of not guilty on the teen’s behalf and asked the public defender’s office to review whether she qualifies for representation. She was ordered to be held in jail without bail. If found guilty, she could be sentenced to life in prison.

As human beings we look for answers to horrific acts like this. What was the motive? Why would someone so young even contemplate doing this? Alyssa Bustamante went through psychiatric evaluations and the best answer seems to come from Alyssa herself: She did it because she wanted to know what it felt like to kill.

David Cook, a Cole County juvenile officer, testified yesterday that, after reading notes and analysis by Bustamante’s therapists, he is not much closer to figuring out a motive for the alleged crime. “There may not be a definite diagnosis,” he said yesterday in the juvenile hearing. “It may just be something the individual wanted to do. I don’t know that there will ever necessarily be an answer.”

In school, at Jefferson City High School, Alyssa was described as a good student with motivational problems. Like some other students she tended to wear dark eyeliner and black shirts printed with skull shapes but did not raise any alarms until in 2007 she tried to commit suicide. That prompted a 10-day stay at the Mid-Missouri Mental Health Center. She was treated for tendencies toward depression and self-mutilation but noone suspected that she had homicidal tendencies.

Her family life was difficult. Her father, Ceasar Bustamante, is serving a 10-year sentence for assault. Her mother, Michelle Bustamante, has had personal and legal problems, prompting a court to rule her unfit to care for her children.

Alyssa and her younger siblings have been living with their grandparents since 2002, who are said to be tough disciplinarians who don't hesitate to take away privileges. She had a twitter account where she posted, shortly before the October killing, the following:

“The world goes by my cage and never sees me.” Four days later she posted: “bad decisions make great stories.”

She also had a Youtube account where she posted a video showing her brothers and herself touching an electrified fence for fun:

Kurt Valentine, Bustamante's attorney, said the teenager had recently tried to harm herself while in custody by cutting herself with her fingernails. He had urged officials to be cautious with their judgments of the suspect.

"I would ask that they wait, that they listen to the facts as they come out and not judge quickly," Valentine said. "Learn about this person, learn about this child. You're dealing with a child."

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